June 23rd

It’s been one year, fools.

One magical, sometimes struggled, mostly wonderful year that really does feel like much longer, possibly due to our four years of dating prior. Throughout this year, I’ve often reflected on the strangeness of how easily this lifestyle change came to me. I can’t speak for JJ, but for myself, in all frankness, the transition from singledom to marriage has been near seamless. Living with another person makes sense to me. Checking in regularly with the same person; working, playing and bickering with the same person; having that person ultimately be your everything - makes sense to me, on a visceral level. This perhaps explains the peculiar, barnacle-like friendship that Carol and I have always had. I pledged devotion to her at an early age, it seems, and never looked back.

I also think this accounts for a lot of  the melancholy of my previous adult life.  For a person who clearly lives to be bound with another, I find it little wonder that dating, with all its lightness and impermanency, did not agree with me. Perhaps all the angst and disquiet of that time was merely my inner self knowing that it was not good for Mish to be alone? Perhaps it’s more complicated than that. What I do know is that I feel more at home in this arrangement, more completely myself, than I ever have before. Though it may be new territory, yet it still feels familiar. At the risk of putting on airs, I think it’s a lot like how heaven will feel.

And then there is my cute husband, the object of all this discourse. With all his sweetness and goodness, my love for him frequently brings me to tears. All clichés aside, forever truly doesn’t seem long enough. I sometimes feel even a little anxiety about that. WHAT IF FOREVER ISN’T ENOUGH TIME??? Enough time for what, I don’t know. Love is weird like that.

Anniversaries pair nicely with gelato.