Thursday, January 31, 2013

Ode to Winter Scorn

I know it must be getting old to hear all this whining coming from the Utah Valley region. I know those of you in other parts of the country have probably heard enough from your family, friends and FB about how mind-numbingly cold it is here, how freaking many feet of snow we've gotten, and how our freeway looks like that part of a disaster movie when everyone still thinks they have time to flee the flood/volcano/aliens/etc. (Spoiler: They don't! Shame on you for your escapist hubris, flood/volcano/aliens/etc. is going to make an example out of you and kill you before you even make it past your driveway!) I know you must be sick of this. We need to bundle up and buck up, cause this is Utah, dangit, and we have the best snow on earth! (not that I would know?)

So I'm going to keep it brief. It is mind-numbingly cold here. We have gotten freaking way too many feet of snow. The freeway is a mess. I'm tired of scraping ice chips off my windshield with a 3-in. dollar store scraper. My butt and my pride are still smarting from that untimely slip in front of two cars driving by.



In my darker moments, I have started referring to the snow, in my head, as "white poo".





That's how mad I am about this.






January please die.






P.S. JJ would like to add that the snow is too bright and hurts his eyes. I'm not sure I agree with this, but I'll do anything to crucify winter right now, so YEAH! What he said!